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A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, “I’m sorry, but you only have ten left.” The patient asks him, “Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?” The doctor calmly looks at him and says, “Nine.” Are you looking for some funny psychic jokes? If so, you have come to the right place! Here are some jokes that will make you laugh out loud. I asked my date to meet me at the gym but she never showed up. I guess the two of us aren't going to work out. What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.
Jokes - Psychic Jokes Fortune Teller Jokes - Psychic Jokes
I can always tell when my wife is lying just by looking at her. I can also tell when she’s standing.
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One time, a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, ‘Didn’t you see the stop sign?’ I said, ‘Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read.’” – Steven Wright Shirts So like, you know how there's Extra Large and Extra Small sized clothing? Why can't I get something Extra Medium, like its the most generic sized shirt possible. A cannibal brings a fortune teller home to his wife. He says, "Remember not to overcook this one. I like a medium rare." When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef! What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef!!!!!
Dad Jokes of All-Time - Corny Puns and One-Liners 200 Best Dad Jokes of All-Time - Corny Puns and One-Liners
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.” – Steven Wright My friend said that if he went off a cliff, it would be on his own accord. It’s a good thing he drives a Civic. I want to tell you your fortune." Take her hand and write your phone number on it. "There's your future." I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn’t park anywhere near the place.” – Steven Wright Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, “What kind of music do you like?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
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When you laugh, your body releases endorphins, which are hormones that have mood-boosting effects. Endorphins also interact with the receptors in your brain that control pain perception, which means laughter can also help reduce pain. If you donate a kidney, everybody loves you and you’re a total hero. But try donating five kidneys and suddenly everyone is yelling and the police get called. A cop stopped me for speeding. He said, ‘Why were you going so fast?’ I said, ‘See this thing my foot is on? It’s called an accelerator. When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off. And see this thing? This steers it.’” – Steven Wright Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera. I will be posting telepathically later today. So if you think of something funny later, that was me
Hilarious Steven Wright Quotes and Jokes - Thought Catalog 100+ Hilarious Steven Wright Quotes and Jokes - Thought Catalog
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I’m leaving.” – Steven Wright My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdfIf you’ve ever had a father (or currently are one), you don’t need me to explain a Dad Joke. To paraphrase US Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart when expounding on how to identify pornography in 1964, you’ll know it when you see it.
Hilarious Psychic Jokes That Will Make You Laugh
My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him. Did you hear about the psychic who was arrested for possession of marijuana? In his defence, he said he was ‘just a happy medium’ Freud, S. (1900). The interpretation of dreams. The standard edition of the complete psychological works of Sigmund Freud, Vols. 4 and 5.
One friend complained to another, “All my husband and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset, I’ve lost 20 pounds.” “If it’s that bad, why don’t you just leave him?” asked the second friend. “I’d like to lose another fifteen pounds first.” If you ever get cold, just stand in the corner of a room for a while. They’re normally around 90 degrees. Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That’s the punch line. Rauss, K., & Pourtois, G. (2013). What is bottom-up and what is top-down in predictive coding? Fronteirs in Psychology, 4, 276. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2013.00276.
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